


The Many Facets Of A

by AhmedMootaz



Category: Library of Ruina (Video Game), Lobotomy Corporation (Video Game)
Genre: (in a way), Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, For both LC and LoR, Gen, Self-Harm, Self-Reflection, Spending time with the people you hate most because Angela is not happy with you., Spoilers, Strained Friendships, Strained Relationships, UNO Games
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29604552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AhmedMootaz/pseuds/AhmedMootaz
Summary: What happens to Ayin after the end of Lobotomy Corporation? We're lead to believe he unites with the Light, and yet, he has his name on a floor which he's missing from. In her moment of anger, Angela might've ignored him, but he most certainly did not ignore his new state.Delve into a series of misadventures as Ayin tries to combat boredom, his immense guilt from being a terrible person, and the urge to slap himself each time he speaks.In which Ayin has to withhold from choking himselves, attempts to play an Uno game in peace, and tries hiding the fact that his nose behaves like a fountain when he's embarrassed. A beautiful adventure of fun which some may call: 'Crack-Fic'.
Relationships: Ayin & Himselves, Ayin/Carmen (Lobotomy Corporation)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	1. Uno: Destroyer of Friendships

It was a regular day in the Library. As regular as it could be, what with it being a paranormal entity for the standards of the _City_ that was slowly robbing the City of some of its most famous people and that it seemed rather unstoppable, with some _Colours_ going in and never coming back out. 

Despite the horrors, the City's denizens were growing accustomed to the Library, as they did with the various other horrors that plagued their lives. One more was not worth missing your salary over. As the City life moved on, the Library became one of the many horrors of the City. Though a bit more invincible than the last ones, admittedly.

The interior of the Library itself was not that much more exciting; all the Librarians were busy with their current business, some writing their memoirs, some organizing their books, some having made a bed of books to sleep on. Whatever they did, they kept themselves busy, and so did Roland and Angela, who were preparing for whatever came next for the Library after establishing that it was a bit stronger than your average Star of The City. 

Indeed, there was no news from the inside of the Library, and in the City in particular, no news was good news. For the Library, anyways, those who had to live in fear of an Invitation at their doorstep had been waiting for it to fall, given that whoever it was destined to had to go regardless of what they wanted to do. Despite the hatred or perhaps admiration it had garnered, you wouldn't know it from how tall and imposing it was, with no sound coming to the outside, and even the inside seemed calm enough.

Well, except for a small talk inside the office of the Floor of General Works. The office itself was sealed by Angela, unable, or perhaps unwilling or too spiteful, to face the man inside. Roland had never asked about his office, contenting with staying besides Angela for most of his free time, listening to her and piecing together his situation. Which left the floor's original Librarian rather bored.

-"666! Hah, I win, you idiots! You thought you could defeat me? You thought you could stop me from fulfilling Carmen's _true_ wish?! Try stacking on top of that, you dolts!", well, he would have been if he was entirely alone. The victory cry that came from a rather young looking man, extremely pale with amber eyes, wearing a peculiar robe that left his left side uncovered to his ribs, revealing various tattoos which he had etched onto himself, unable to remove them.

-"Adam, for God's sake, 666 is not a number in Uno, you dim-witted simpleton. I thought you'd understand after I explained it for _twenty-nine times_.", another man answered, his voice sickeningly sweet, oozing with artificialness, as he tried to keep a large smile on his face. The man speaking was Ayin, the original creator of the Seed of Light idea that led to the creation of the Library in the first place. He still wore the same clothes he always did; his black buttoned shirt and jeans, alongside his lab-coat, of course.

Upon further inspection, one would notice that even in the dim light of the several lamps that surrounded them, there was around three more men, all groaning in annoyance, one greatly resembling Ayin with an 'X' on his right cheek, another also resembling him, though with bags under his eyes and hair that was left unattended for far too long. The third one was more elegant in his clothing, wearing a red-buttoned shirt with a grey coat and with a cane resting in front of him.

Despite seeming like none of them would have any relation to the other, they were all seated in a circle, each of the men having a deck of cards in his hands, with a big pile of various cards with random numbers and colours in the middle of their circle. There was no doubt about it, they were trying to play Uno. And as with any great game of Uno, most of them looked like they wanted to murder each other.

-"Oh, do you think you could possibly stop _me_?! My decisions are mine and mine onl-", the so-called Adam shot back, his iris' getting a bit smaller in an attempt to have an effect on his fellow players.

-"All in favour of breaking Adam's skull?", his adversary raised a hand, his voice going threateningly low. The fancy gentleman raised a quiet hand, his face one of boredom. The tired man sobbed for a moment before raising his.

-"W-What- Okay, okay, it's a red _six_ , does that make you happy, you buffoons? You are unable to see the greatness I can achieve, what I can transcend to to become the ultimate being, a being like those The Blue Rverberation has collected, only better!", he huffed indignantly, and the calmer individual in front of him had his eye twitch.

-"Adam, allow me to remind you that I, Ayin, the original and complete copy of all of you, am playing a game of _Uno_ against you idiots because it is the only game we five can play together without one of you trying to find a bigger meaning and ruining the game for everyone else. How can you find some plan in _Uno_?", he replied, his voice cracking a bit. Not that it _really_ mattered, after all, he had no reason to be embarrassed in front of himself. Selves. Whatever, he didn't overthink _that_ particular detail. "How did I end up like this? Spending time stuck in Angela's revenge and playing Uno with you? Why did I even bother bringing you guys here?", he covered his face, taking great care not to let the hand with the deck in it lower; he knew himself enough to know that the four around him would cheat in a moment's notice.

Well, that was a rhetorical question. All of them knew why they were here, and why they were stuck in their purgatory playing Uno. Ayin, leader of Keter in Lobotomy Corporation, was meant to be the Floor of General Works' main librarian. Until, of course, Angela replaced him with Roland. Not that he blamed her too much; only a blind fool wouldn't have been able to predict that, but it did not lessen the impact of having to stay alone in this room for a bit of time after the endless loneliness he had to endure in his time in the Corporation.

That was before he realized he had _some_ control over his office, and the first thing he had summoned was these four idiots to try and keep himself company. They were also the _only_ people he could summon given that he was simply giving some parts of his mind a physical body instead of bringing someone new; they were all him to an extent, after all. He didn't _need_ it, per say, as he had survived several millennia of loneliness, but it was better to better his situation when he had the chance. That was before he was reminded of how much he loved himself: Not very much.

He was an egotistic, socially awkward, emotionally constipated, mentally unstable war-criminal, and that was the _short_ description. To make matters worse, all but one of the four in front of him embodied some part of him that he _hated_ with his core. He hated that they represented some dark, repressed part of him and he loathed that they sometimes _actually_ represented him. So, he was stuck in a closed room with his worst traits personified into idiotic messes of men and he had to interact with them on a daily basis. That didn't do much for his personal image of himself after the ten thousand years he spent berating himself in the Corporation.

And now, he had sunk to playing Uno with his failed selves. This was his punishment for what he did to Angela, huh? He expected it, but did not expect such a terrible judgement. He didn't argue against it, sure, but he was starting to consider that perhaps his solitary confinement would've been better than slowly losing his mind while playing a card-game.

-"Now, now, everyone, settle down. We are not here to try and murder each other.", the older gentleman spoke up, a fancy accent in his voice. "Even if _some of us_ seem intent on trying to.", he gave a glare to Adam in particular, who scoffed.

-"What do you know, Abel? You'd despise me, too, if I was ruining Carmen's ideal!", he spat, the deck in his hand getting lowered for a bit before he put it up again, not wanting his selves to look at it.

-"It is precisely why I despise you.", as you could probably figure out, Adam was not particularly loved in this group. His murderous, genocidal tendencies play a small role in his unpopularity. He was mostly hated because of how much he claims _he_ , of all people, was fulfilling Carmen's ideal. Like Hell he was. Even Ayin didn't claim he perfectly replicated it, and that _before_ Angela ruined the plan.

-"...Who cares? We all... _sniff_ , we all failed her. We're just stains on humanity...the worst of the worst...we outdid everyone...If she...If she saw us now...", interrupting the current Adam-Abel fight, however, was a sob. The man with the unkempt hair had produced it.

-"Yes, Abraham, we know. Please don't cry.", Ayin spoke up, addressing the man with a mixture of sympathy and annoyance. Abraham was the representation of all the guilt they carried, and so it was only natural for him to be constantly depressed. The problem with him, in particular, is that none of them, save for Adam, had any problems remembering their sins, and the constant reminder of how terrible they were made them uneasy. They didn't appreciate it when everyone in the room burst into tears while Adam laughed at them. He also spelled his name rather oddly; 'Abram'. The others made it 'Abraham' for ease of speaking.

-"But...But-"

-"Shhh, we have three hours dedicated to us reflecting on how horrible we are as human beings every day, I don't need any more crying, please. Now, can somebody actually play this game?!", the original 'A' tried calming him down. Not that he had much of choice, considering he was all about regret, but they couldn't just keep wallowing in their sins all day. They had to have an 'Expectation for the Future'. He chuckled at his own joke. He wasn't above that.

-"Red seven.", finally, someone decided to contribute to something other than augmenting his blood pressure. It wasn't a surprise to see it was 'X', an actual clone of him, and the only Manager of Lobotomy Corporation to succeed in his mission.

-"Finally, someone who can focus on something _other_ than telling us every single thought that goes on in their mind.", the labcoat-wearing man commented, massaging his temple. This was just as fun as managing toddlers, for crying out loud. No, scratch that, Lisa could _never_ be this bad.

-"Eh, I _was_ made to focus on a goal.", another good thing about him is that he was also slightly more humble. The bad part about him is that he couldn't praise him much, considering the fact that if he kept praising his clone, it might become just a teeny-tiny bit narcissistic.

-"A-At least...at least you finally reached yours...", Abraham sobbed again, almost breaking down before he spoke again, managing to contain himself rather successfully. Impressive. "Green seven...", he laid down a card, looking at it with teary eyes, as if it was the reason he was constantly near a breakdown.

-"Tell me about it! I had to do the same cycle each time, try and piece together everything, figure out that I'm apparently the worst human alive, and then try and save humanity because the woman I loved entrusted me with it. I'll tell you what, the plan is good and all, but I never lived through what was supposed to guide me! At least you four _met_ Carmen! I met vague memories of her and I _still_ accomplished my goals, only for that smug, robotic piece of-", Ayin's clone complained, laying a hand on his waist.

-"X, please, we agreed I was mostly responsible for Angela's rebellion.", his original version mumbled, trying to diffuse the tension. It was a particularly sensitive subject among them, given that they _were_ , in a sense, culprits in this entire thing, and yet none of them looked too kindly on Angela following her actions. Strangely, only Ayin managed to remain cool-headed in that regard.

-"Yes, _you_. I didn't even agree to the script and I _still_ did my job! The Sephirahs did, you did, everyone did! Heck, if anyone had the right to rebel, it would've been me, because I had no idea what I was doing and still had to do it!", he yelled back, exasperated. For all his good traits, X was, however, quite upset about the failure of the Seed of Light, or as Adam put it 'salty', whatever that meant.

-"Well, it's good that you didn't. What happened was inevitable, I suppose. But we should've foreseen something! We shouldn't have simply ignored her, eh, Ayin?", the fancy-dressed man eyed his 'complete-self', who gave him a shrug. "Green two."

-"Ayin's hiding something from us, don't you all think?", Adam suggested, a bit of a dark tone in his voice. "I mean, he shares his thoughts with us all the time about everything he did, but this thing...Well, I'm not one to judge, but perhaps he agrees with me? After all, his darling Angela _is_ perfecting Carmen's plan, and given that Carmen has revealed her _true_ intentions, you cannot deny that you were a fool, Ayin. An idiotic fool who thought he was fulfilling Carmen's ideas when in reality it was I who was accomplishing them.", in retrospect, it was hard to say that no one saw this coming when Adam was 'the insane one', and yet nobody ever talked to Ayin that way, especially not with such a large, smug smile on their face. "Got anything to say, big boy?"

-" _UNO_!", he yelled, laying down the card in his hand, revealing his deck: a green one with the rest being draw-fours. No matter what he played, he would have won, or at least he would have given the other twelve more cards at least. He didn't seem satisfied with his victory so much as he seemed satisfied with wiping the smugness off Adam's face, at least momentarily.

-"Bloody Hell, Ayin, how do you win so many times?", Abel wondered, scratching his head as he laid down the deck in his hands. This must've been the seventeenth time today.

-"Because I actually focus on my goals."

-"Sure you do. That's why you _totally_ succeeded at fulfilling Carmen's ideal.", the tattooed version spoke up, a devious grin on his face as he found something to say, ignoring his defeat. "Or, is it that you're afraid that you didn't know Carmen? That all this time, you were merely a vessel for me to take hold, and when you stopped me, Carmen stopped loving you? Face the facts, Ayin, she never did, because the one in the Light, distorting people? That's her. Now, don't get too sad, none of us want to see you cry big gu- _OHGODHELP_!", Adam was not new to these deranging rants where he tried teasing his fellow...uh, selves? Copies? Whatever, he deranged them into yelling or screaming, and yet, he never really touched upon Carmen. Probably because when he did, he had Ayin trying to choke him.

-"Ayin, no!", trying to stop the attempted murder in front of them, X and Abel headed to Adam's help, trying to break the choke his supposed-to-be better self had over him.

-"Ayin, stop! Stop! You're killing yourself, don't do this!", X yelled, looking at Abraham to try and make him care about what was happening. He didn't succeed. While none of them particularly liked Adam, none of them knew what would happen if he died, either. They didn't want to discover killing him caused them severe brain trauma or something.

-"Good. I wanted to commit suicide at one point.", not breaking the choke over the long-haired man, Ayin darkly chuckled as he watched the man under him struggle for air. The moment remained tense, the only thing filling the air being a poetic 'uhsaduuaghurrr' provided by Adam, before the death-grip over him was finally broken when X bit Ayin's arm.

-"Y-You madman! Do you have any idea what you just did?!", not too happy about his near-death experience, Adam began barking at them again, this time earning a reply.

-"Yeah, I won an Uno game _and_ nearly got rid of the single most annoying person I have ever met: Myself.", he answered, planting an accusing index on Adam's nose. "Listen here you egotistical maniac, you may be a part of me, and I'll have you know that I hate myself, but you? You're already dead to me, and if you can't stay calm for the rest of the day while letting me try to play freaking _UNO_ , then I'll do my job in honouring the dead and bury you six feet under.", he threatened, his voice going low while pressing the long-haired man below him's nose further and further. "Capiche?"

-"...Fine..."

-"Good. I'm just a simple man who wants a simple life. I just want to play Uno with my clone and my incomplete selves. I don't expect that simple life, but I do expect you to shut up for at least a day.", the amber-eyed man complained, massaging his temples again as he went back to his sitting place.

  
-"...Out of curiosity, Ayin, why can we not play something else, if you feel Uno is...uh, stressing our relationship?", Abel suggested, picking up the various cards they used and tucking them into a neat box they had materialized out of their subconsciousness. "Not that we like each other that much, but not trying to kill each other would be nice."

-"Because I can't play Demons and Darkness without Abraham crying about how we're the real demons and without Adam telling me that the Darkness should engulf everything. I'm starting to wonder if you guys are manifestations of my failures or if you're manifestations of me at sixteen years of age.", came the harsh answer. It's not like they didn't know what Ayin thought of them; they _were_ all him, after all. He had to think about that last sentence for a bit. "...Thinking about it, the two are probably closely related."

-"What about Tic-Tac-Toe?", X suggested, trying to ease the mood as Adam seemed to dispute with Abraham, who was probably telling him how lucky he almost was, in all truthful honestly.

-"Maybe sometime later, I've had it after our thirtieth Uno game for the day. Scientifically speaking, there's a golden balance between wanting to murder who you're playing with and having fun, and we've long passed both.", the original self, started to calm down, locking his hands and trying to put a small, if forced, smile on his lips.

-"Scientifically speaking? According to who?", and yet, it would seem that Abel was not willing to have his moment. Grand.

-"According to me, Abel. I'm the one that's still most related to science.", came the reply, far too calm for a man who just five minutes ago was choking himself.

-"Yeah, but you're not an Uno scient-", he barely stopped himself from replying, but it was too late. Already were the eyes of everyone else in the room fixated on him. Even Abraham stopped sobbing for a second and looked at him with incredulity. 

-"Abel. Are you telling me, that you, distinguished man that you are, want a scientific evidence on Uno, by an _Uno scientist_?"

-"I-I...What makes _you_ think that in this insane City that we tried to mend, where cannibals roam free and monsters are on every corner, there'd be a limit? Are you saying that you wouldn't believe it if somebody came to you and told you there was an Uno scientist in the City?", already on the back-foot, the fancily-dressed man picked up his cane, trying to ignore what he was about to say. Expecting another round of mockery, however, he received a slow clap.

-"Well played, old man. Well played.", his original self complimented, letting the other 'A's in the room join in on the clapping.

-"Heh, yeah, I...uh...thanks. _Ahem_ , yes, I spent much time thinking about the existence of Uno scientists, so I am well-educated on the matter.", Abel boasted, and when the clapping stopped, he knew that they knew he was starting to pull things from his hair. "Well, regardless, I'm not an old man!", and yet, despite the moment of (relative) accord, he still found something the complain about.

-"You're quite literally a fragment of my mind."

-"Well, yeah, but you're not old yourself. You're barely into your forties!"

-"I'm barely into my _WHAT_.", X joined in on the fun, turning his head to see his...older self? This whole situation was weird as it is, but whatever it was, he looked at him, a mixture of surprise and anger in his eyes. "When was I supposed to know this?! You looked like you were in your thirties or something! How was I supposed to know that?", he cried out, extending his hands in front of him as he waited for an answer.

-"I mean, why would that matter, anyways? Who cares about my age?", the lab-coat wearing man pondered, somewhat lost here.

-" _I_ do! Think about my existential crisis when I don't know my own age but know how horrible of a human being I am! Think of- How old is Carmen?", never before had Ayin seen such capability to change both the tone and the question at hand so quickly before. So quickly it was as if they skipped a few seconds, and it slightly scared them.

-"About the same age as you.", Abel gave the answer, looking just as confused about this.

-"Okay, good, because I really didn't want to find out that she was a hundred and fifty years old all along because she was a dragon or something.", ah, X. Having only (technically) lived fifty days, he still retained most of his sense of humour, unlike the chucklesmucks in front of him. Well, why not humour him some more.

-"I mean, c'mon, X, would that _really_ make you reconsider falling for her?", Ayin took it upon him to humour him, and instead of laughing, his doppelgänger stayed silent for a moment, a look of fear plastered all over his face.

-"...I don't know, and it terrifies me to see that there's nothing in my memories to suggest it would...Was I...uh, were dragons my...?", and for the first time in what seemed like hours, the small office they were all seated in exploded into laughter for a moment. Well, except for Abraham. He was still depressed. Then again, all of them were. They just could laugh at some things, unlike him.

-"No, don't worry. You weren't into dragons. You _are_ a bit of a masochist, however.", Ayin comforted his clone, trying to give him his best smile. He lost the warm ones he had in the past, but to be honest, the weak smile he gave him now made the disgusted reaction on the other man's face all the better.

-"Why are you determined to make me hate myself?"

-"Welcome to our lives. Enjoy your stay. Besides, is it _really_ that bad when no one else knows?", hey, it was true. To be able to live and laugh in the City, everyone had some sort of thing that made them go through their lives. Obviously, something that remained a secret for a very, very long time.

- _I_ just learned about it!"

-"Well, yeah, but you're me. Is it telling someone else if that someone is yo-"

-"Stop. I just finished playing Uno for about ten hours and I'm not about to hear the philosophy of the fact that the only people who I can call my friends are also me.", the calmer of them raised an open hand in his partners-in-exisence's faces, trying to calm himself down.

-"We're your friends?!", Abel repeated, something between unbelieving and touched. The clone merely contented by nodding, not in the mood to argue over anything, apparently, and sitting on a seat which he styled out of the various books in this office. They were almost all gibberish, as they had discovered, and the ones that weren't were...let's say, as interesting as the diet of a slug could possibly be.

-"I'd tell you I'm sorry, but you know we can't really play anything else because _some people_ just can't let us have fun.", Ayin spoke up, heading to his proper desk. It was a plain one, with a regular office chair and a few books on it. The only thing of interest on it was Carmen's portrait, dug out of his mind and materialized as a small luxury during this torture. Adam gave him a snide look from his seat next to Abraham, which the original self ignored.

-"We could play without them, you know?"

-"And leave Adam to his own devices? I may be a madman, but I'm not _stupid_."

-"Okay, fine, let's...I don't know, tell me more about myself.", X demanded, slightly exasperated, as he did want to do something. Just not more Uno. "Yourself, whatever. I'm not going to stay here not knowing who I am in the first place!", he explained, narrowing his eyes a bit towards his original and earning the attention of all the other selves. 

-"And what do you want to know?", demanded the amber-eyed man, somewhat intrigued to see what he'd ask. What would one want to know about one's self, after all?...This 'different-selves-but-one' thing had worn his brain out from how much he needed to think about it.

-"I don't...I don't know! Who was I? So far, I'm told that I was the worst man alive; I tortured my sentient AI, I murdered thousands to walk over them and manage to complete my loved one's goal, but who was I before that? I couldn't have been born a monster. I couldn't have.", he repeated, perhaps less out of conviction and out of a need to convince himself and his original self. "I mean, I must've been somewhat intelligent. Did I learn languages?", he asked, trying to feel the air around him.

X was the most independent of the four Ayin had summoned. He wasn't exactly a part of Ayin, unlike the others, and yet he was also the most clueless of them, as it was clear he hadn't tried extracting his memories, despite the fact that since he _was_ essentially a carbon copy, which meant he must've had the memories down there _somewhere_. In another time, this curiosity and ignorance would've annoyed Ayin. Now it only served to remind him of how things were back before it all went downhill. Back when they were all happy together. So, so happy...

-"I don't know. Why don't you try and figure out?", well, that certainly could've came out better. Note to self: Don't talk to your clone while reminiscing of the good old times. Still, X seemed to have taken it more as a challenge and less as a mockery, which, again, wasn't all that surprising considering the whole 'Five-yet-one' sort of deal they had.

It took a moment of (presumably) rummaging through whatever memories he had in his mind, trying his earnest to remember a language or some such thing, his eyes tightening, all the other 'A's in the room remaining silent, also somewhat curious to know what he'd find. And then, in a moment of curiosity, Ayin figured out what he'd find. Oh no. Not even a second later, his carbon-copy started messing with his mouth, making a sophisticated, complex manoeuvre, trying to get the optimal pronunciation. Oh dear God, no.

-" _La baguette au fromage, Monsieur_?", the words that came from his mouth were certainly words, but they weren't a sentence. " _Ma chérie, ma douce chérie...Belle come la lune qui réfléchit sur un lac clair...Carmen, tes yeux m'enchantent, comme les roses du printemps. Je ne peux plus garder ces émotions à moi-même, je veux que tu_ -"

-"Stop.", okay, _that_ was a sentence. All that was left was for him to have a thick, well maintained moustache, a baguette under his arm and someone in the background loudly saying 'Hon hon hon!' and he'd look straight out of an area under Cinq Association's rule. Cue the accordions.

-"...Was that French? Why would I learn French?", it's not that French wasn't a nice language, it was that he, as X, probably couldn't remember a moment in his life where he needed it. And even if he searched, he wouldn't find it; "...I was trying to impress Carmen? Did she like it?", he _would_ however, find that memory before Ayin could explain it. Typical.

-"I don't know. Never got around to telling her. I just thought she might appreciate a new thing. Or find it funny.", the original self explained, shrugging, trying to remain expressionless.

-"...J-Just another thing I...I...couldn't tell her. Of course. Because I'm a coward!", if there's anything surprising about Abraham's words, it was that he spat that last word with so much hate. Hate wasn't a new thing to any of them, but Abraham in particular was always about depression. Good for him; always try new negative emotions without trying to vent or deal with them appropriately. It's what Ayin always used to say.

-"...There's a bloody lot of things I never managed to tell her, huh?", the clone in the room noted, his voice a bit upset as moved his hand across his marked cheek. "I wonder how many I'll find if I search a bit better?"...yeah, that was probably a rhetorical question. Probably. Ayin liked to think that his clone knew what he'd find, because if it's going to be his first time, then the three hours of daily crying were going to be extended a bit.

-"I don't know. Why don't you find out?"

-"Do it!", the overly-energetic, high-pitched tone of Adam suddenly intruded on their chat. When his original self didn't turn to try and kick his teeth into his stomach, he continued, "Find the truth! Search your mind and yourself, and you'll find what she truly wanted and meant!", of course. He shut his mouth after his better-self gave him a glare. In truth nobody knew why, exactly, going insane and tattooing himself gave him a higher pitch, but nobody questioned it, either.

-"...Whew. That's a lot of memories with no context. Uh...", taking the advice, X started rummaging through his mind a bit more, the man seated the desk-chair in front of him leaning back in his seat, trying to relax a bit. What could he find that he didn't know, anyways? "Um...Ayin? Why do I have Anime inside my head?" 

If you gave Ayin a kick in the guts, he still wouldn't have spat as far as he did. Ah, to have been drinking something at that instant. Well, that was something he found. It wasn't too terrible; it wasn't some dark, repressed memory. It was just Anime. They all knew about this. All but X. Here's hoping he'd be understanding.

-"Aw, is Ayyyyyyin a bit embarrassed that he likes cutesy feel-good anime?", ah, Adam. If killing him didn't have the chance of having serious consequences, he'd have been skinned and used as book coverings a long, _looooooong_ while ago. X gave him a questioning look as he kept looking at the magical girl show in his mind.

-"I-It was...Carmen's favourite childhood show. I watched it out of...curiosity. Because I wanted to know more about my...my l-love's interests...", came the answer from Abraham. Depressed as ever, it was one of the rare times he gave a direct, honest answer.

-"Alright, and what about the other ones?", surprisingly, he wasn't mocking so much as he was curious. "There's a whole lot of...uh, family stuff and the like. It doesn't look bad, but, again: Why?"

-"It's...It's mostly Carmen's show though. And most of the stuff I watched had good plot.", Ayin...defended himself? Again, sure, they were all him to an extent, but it still didn't make this any more fun. 

-"The others things he watched were just pure fluff-fests.", Adam chimed in, a teasing tone in his voice. One that was replaced with a shrill screech as his original self materialized a knife and threw it at him. It wasn't easy to summon things here in comparison to the other Librarians' floors, probably as a result of Angela's handy-work, but Ayin could always make an exception for his wonderful little insane self. He turned back to the confused man seated on the book throne.

-"You-We...I just needed some stress relief, alright?!", deep breaths, Ayin. This was you. You're just admitting to yourself. No need to be embarrassed. "I had so much on me during Carmen's days; I was the handy-man, the logistics-man, and I also helped with the research. And since I had the whole 'no emotions' thing so that Carmen's wouldn't catch onto me, I needed a way to vent. Just...something to relax, okay? And that's not mentioning everything I did _after_ her death. It wouldn't have been a big loss, sure, but killing myself would've probably ruined the whole Seed of Light plan.", he laid a hand on his face, trying to wash away any sort of embarrassment.

-"And that's why you memorize every word of some opening songs?"

-"Oh, that. No, they're just inherently catchy.", alright, that was something he could admit with no problems. After all, he didn't choose to keep remembering the stupidly catchy tone of that magical girl show. It wasn't his fault. For once.

-"Really? I mean, sure, it's fun but...but...", the mixture of confusion, annoyance, and realization on X's face was something to behold. "W-Why can't I get rid of it?! Why is it constantly looping in my mind?!", and that was fear. Unexpected, but equally hilarious.

-"What? It's an ear-worm. Don't tell me you never-", oh, duh. Of course he'd never experience an ear-worm, he spent his fifty days of existence listening to the cries of the employees, the lives of the Seprhiahs and to how horrible of a human being he was. "Uh...don't worry, it'll go away. Eventually."

-"Ahhh, that brings back memories.", Abel mumbled, having made a chair for himself with the books. His was covered with the various leather coverings of the books, mostly for comfort's sake. "Don't sweat it, X. I'm...I'm not sure of anything I say, but you'll come to like it at one point. We all did.", he comforted the 'youngest' of them. Again, age stuff was confusing, but considering he _was_ the last of them to exist, since technically Ayin and his selves were all there at some point and he was cloned later so...It just works, okay?!

-"Y-Yeah...it's not so...bad...", even Abraham agreed, a shadow of a smile on his face, though one that was a weak and fragile. 

-"GET IT _OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT_!", of course, however, Adam would disagree. Indeed, the long-haired man was crying out, apparently also stuck with the ear-worm. "OUTOUTOUTOUT I WANT IT OUT! STOP IT!", he banged his head on the floor, both cracking it and causing his head to let out a few bloodstreams. His violent behaviour was stopped when a gag appeared on his face, making him utter a few 'Hmmmmm!'s from behind it.

-"You can pretend you hate it as much as you want, Adam. But we all liked it at one point.", Ayin absently mumbled, not even turning his head towards the man that was now occupied with trying to free his mouth. If he had to thank him for one thing, it was that he really made summoning object easier. "X?"

-"Yeah?"

-"That's enough searching in my mind for today."

-"But it's mine too-"

-"I'm telling you this for your own good. Check that one in your mind and try to figure out if you'd lie to yourself in a moment like this.", he firmly opposed, watching as the x-branded man found nothing suspicious. "Not today, even, but just...just for the moment, okay? I don't know what you'll find in what order, but let's just calm down for a moment and try to do something else.", he suggested, looking at the clone with a mixture of sympathy and regret. "I don't think there's much more fun stuff you'll find."

-"What about that one time you nose-bled on Carmen so hard the stains never got out?"

-"NOW LISTEN HERE YOU STUPID PIECE OF HUMAN MIND!", oh. Whoops, he'd prepared a knife and was just about to throw it Abel. He was so used to Adam being the insufferable one that it didn't cross his mind the others could be just as annoying. Deep breaths...Deep breaths...remember what you wanted, Ayin...no more murder. No more murder . Deep breaths. "...Yes, Abel, that was a fun memory, but you should have this teeny-tiny thing called _tact_ when you bring it up.", he pocketed the knife to throw it at Adam whenever the timing was right.

-"Yes, X, there are some other things, but for the moment, we'll stop because we don't want to stumble upon how I turned my friends and the only people who cared about me into robots and then forced a sentient AI to do some horrible stuff, yeah?", he tried calming himself, sensing X's reaction. He seemed expressionless, but so did Ayin most of the time. He knew better; there were bite marks on his bottom lip. He bit down on it when Ayin wasn't looking to avoid bursting into laughter; it was trademark move of the original self, he couldn't miss it.

-"And that's it? That's all I get to know about myself? French and Anime? The two don't even go together!"

-"I'll have you know some French dubs are superior to even the original voice acting.", the amber-eyed scientist answered back, not without a tone of dignity before realizing what he was saying. "Well, yes. That's all you get to know for now. What else could you want to know, anyways? I told you the broad picture in the Corporation. The only thing you'll find if you search is more pain.", admittedly, it wasn't so much for X's sake that Ayin was dissuading him from searching; it was for the original self's sake. He didn't know if he could handle rewatching everything he did.

-"Well...I'd like to know why I fell in love with Carmen in the first place.", God damn it, X. Always finding something that wasn't illogical and yet he knew bothered Ayin. "I couldn't have simply bumped her in the street and then followed her. You say that you were happy together, but I don't even know what that means!", he argued, a frown distorting the 'x' on his cheek as his muscles moved.

-"It's a long story, buddy. And I'm not certain you'd want Ayin to be peeved, X.", Abel warned, picking up his cane and putting it between his seated legs, as if he anticipated having to get up at any instant.

-"Then give me the second best thing, then.", the clone demanded, something between determination and hesitation in his voice.

-"What're you up to, X?"

-"What are _you_ up to? I wouldn't be thinking this way if you didn't want to.", it wasn't entirely true; throughout the journeys in Lobotomy Corporation, X had become something a separate entity. A different life experience and a different way of life, but yet so close in thinking. So close in values. So close in that he also liked Anime and spoke French.

-"You want to know the secret to baking the prefect bread loaf?", alright, it was a terrible joke, but it eased the mood a bit.

-"Who were you before Carmen, Ayin?", not that it mattered really, it just tensed up again. So, what would he do now? After all, he was had. By his own self, nonetheless.

-"Me? A regular man with no real ambitions. I liked the sun and the grass, and I just hoped to see them a bit more. I also had problems with my nose bleeding a little too hard when I'm nervous."

-"Or when he was too embarrassed by Carmen."

-"That too. I also liked Demons and Darkness.", he'd stall, that's what he'd do. He wasn't under pressure by anyone. He had all the time in the world to think about himself later. For now, he'd just let himself rest; he'd done enough thinking in the Corporation.

-"Aw. No love for Tic-Tac-Toe?"

-"You don't really love it, do you? You just want to write your name as many times as possible.", Ayin reproached with fake disappointment. "Besides, only two can play it."

-"And?", his doppelgänger replied trying to go for a stern look before dropping it. "Yeah, I can't dig myself out of that one, can I?", he admitted, emitting a chuckle. "Guess that's it, huh? French and Anime. Better than nothing, I suppose."

-"It is. Now, everyone, how about a game of Demons and Darkness?", Ayin suggested, trying to change the mood of the room as he caught everyone's attention.

-"Really? Are you...sure about this?", the fancy-themed self spoke up, a bit on the unsure side. "You know...Given the whole-"

-"W-Why play wh-when... _sniff_ , the real demons are...are here!", and there it was. The same bloody sentence Abraham would wail whenever the name was even mentioned. All that was left was Adam.

-"Pfffft, and play a game that pretends Darkness is the bad thin-"

-"Shhhh.", Ayin's voice never really managed to be sweet, but this time he made it sickeningly so. " _Shhhhhhh_. We're going to play and you're going to join us and we'll all clump happily or else I'll lose my mind from playing _UNO_!", he yelled, a strange anger in his voice. It wasn't often people could hate card-games with a passion. It wasn't often people could hate Uno with such a passion. But somehow, against all the odds, he'd managed to do so after his endless games of it. His endless games with himselves.

He focused his mind, summoning a box with 'DnD' written on it. In truth, he didn't really know what his mind chose; he played several versions in the past. He just hoped this wasn't the hip-hop version. Some things are just too more frightening to be experienced more than once. He took the box and walked to the small ring they'd carved for themselves on the floor, carpeted with the softest, smoothest leather they found.

-"Okay so...uh, I never played Demons and Darkness before, so if anyone would tell me how to play...", X started, only to be cut off by the boisterous laughing of his peers. "Yeah, I don't know what I expected. I'd have done the same."

-"I'm choosing the human class!", Ayin declared, opening the board and setting it down as he picked some cards and the dice.

-"Boring. You honestly attempt to recreate your travesty of a plan throughout every DnD game we play, you whelp. I, Adam, enlightened with Carmen's great ideal, am determined to completing her ideal, even in play! I shall choose a necromancer to represent the purity behind what idiots like you consider-"

-"Yeah, you'll be talking big once my human outdoes your necromancer and ends his reign because he was too busy monologuing. Honestly, did you even bother reading The Evil Overlord List once?", Ayin brushed him off, trying to start off this particular journey optimistically. It's been a while since they last played something he actually enjoyed. Again, Uno wasn't particularly bad, but he'd been playing it for a month since Angela made her Library. Enough was enough.

-"How dare you, you _whelp_! I'll have you know my necromancer can become a master of demons! He can transcend his petty humanity and embrace the true form of a demon! You dare belittle my grand scheme to bring Carmen's plan to-"

-"Yeesh, weren't you speaking a little normally before?", Abel complained, getting the tattooed man to glare at him with daggers in his eyes. "I'm choosing a knight. Abraham?"

-"...H-Homeless man...I won't hurt many people th-then...", he chose, picking up his proper dice and letting a tear run down his cheek. Everyone else averted their eyes, clearly uncomfortable at his - _their_ \- tragedy. X, however, had a questioning look in his eyes.

-"He means he'll start with nothing.", Ayin explained, preparing the game and setting the board. "You?"

-"M-Me?! What do I- Uh, decisions, I...I...uh, is there some scripted character I can choose?", he asked, earning a raised eye-brow. "Fine, I'll pick human. I better have chose correctly here, I don't want to see Elijah dying because I picked the wrong choice. I always picked the wrong choice...", he mumbled, and that raised eyebrow became two.

-"What do you mean 'wrong choice'? I didn't give you a choice, it was a memory.", the original self asked, earning the unbelieving look he was delivering back as he sat in a comfortable position.

-"You mean...I only had one choice? That's...relieving, actually. All this time I thought the three choices were different. Thought my memories were bugged since I'm a clone...or something.", the copy replied, scratching the back of his neck. "Thinking about it, I should've figured this one out sooner, since if I _did_ save them, I wouldn't have been suppressing them in the first place...", he realized, staring into the nothingness as he pondered both the incredible meaning and the useless utility of his realization.

-"Well that must've been fun.", the lab-coat wearing scientist sardonically added-on. Hey, he knew himself well enough; he'd always berate himself and not be sympathetic towards himself. He spend millennia in his office in the Architecture Team berating himself. He would know better.

-"Wh- Hey! This board is based on Lobotomy Corporation!", the fancier of the five announced, noticing the overall theme of the board. Indeed, if the horrifying drawing of Nothing There on the corner of the board didn't give it off, the fact that the board itself was designed like a vertical layout of a branch of The Corporation did. "Even the cards are Lobotomy Corporation themed! We're...apparently clearing them of the monsters after they collapsed to protect The City? I didn't know you played this.", he continued his discovery, slowly moving his eyes to eye his original self.

-"I didn't. I only wanted an interesting DnD game and- Oh.", the realization dawned on him. "I must've somehow tapped into my subconsciousness and created something I wanted using the Light. Interesting. We'll see how much I can mess with that.", he tapped his chin, a smile drawing on his face. 

-"Well, either way you've doomed yourselves, you idiots! I win! Abnormalities can never be killed! I'll immediately win! Oh! OOOOH! OOOOOOH YES!", Adam cried out, his pupils becoming smaller and his voice becoming more and more high-pitched. He was practically vibrating at this point and was _far_ too into this. It was borderline inappropriate.

-"Okay, then we knock them out and put them in our pockets.", his better-self brushed it off, trying to start this game on a positive note. But, unfortunately, it would seem Adam forgot about staying silent for this day.

-"Are you _DAFT_?! YOU CANNOT CONTAIN ABNORMALITIES! Abnromalities are our true form, hidden because we fear our nakedness, and Carmen's original idea, which you idiots are trying to-", he started ranting again, only this time, Ayin's hand was quicker than Adam's words, and the knife in his pocket shot straight into the white-haired man's chest.

At first, there was silence. Everyone held in their breaths, unable to believe what just happened. Adam then screamed. A guttural scream of pain that soon turned to hatred as he started bleeding. And everyone else screamed. Everyone but Ayin. It was a chaotic moment, with much panic from everyone for various reasons ('No! I wanted to be the one to kill him!'), but then, the wound started closing. Adam's cries suddenly calmed down, and so did everyone else's, replaced with stunned silence.

-"Huh. That's what I can do when I mess with my subconsciousness. Neato.", the amber-eyed scientist noted, the smile on his face growing larger and more devilish by the instant. "We can have so much fun this game.", he added, and Adam returned with a hateful frown.

-"Do you think you can break me?"

-"Oh, I don't _think_ , me, I _know_."

-"God, that was so cheesy and yet so _epic_. We need to note that down on the list of good come-backs.", X commented, something of a 'hype-smile' as the kids these days called it drawn on his face.

-"You know, X, when you comment on how good your come-back is, it becomes significantly worse. And since you are me...you get the idea, don't you?", Ayin reproached, and his clone nodded, perhaps for the first time in a long while, insightfully. As if he somehow learned something.

-"Well that was interesting. I'm going to form my own party with Abraham this game.", Abel stated, not that fazed by the near-murder attempt that happened; they knew Ayin didn't want to kill any more. Well, that was a lie, he _wanted_ to kill Adam, but he couldn't bring himself to cause more death.

-"Th-The broken man and the man too afraid to go forward...poetic..."

-"Nah, not really. What about you, Ayin?"

-"Yep, I'm making my human team with X.", he stated, turning his head to the clone. "Oh, there's also teams in this game. Do you want to be in my team?"

-"...Sure, I suppose. Onward, Sir Ayin! Let us embark on a treacherous journey to stop the _STUPID IDIOTIC AI ANGELA WHO RUINED ALL OF OUR HARD WORK AND-_ ", again, X's near-instant mood changes were a wonder of the ages. To anyone but the four men in this room; their mood wasn't much better. "Ahem, sorry, let us embark on a fun journey!", he apologized, trying to sense the mood.

Adam was certainly a bit motivated now with all the hate inside him, planning to defeat his opponents no matter the cost. Abel and Abraham were a neutral pair, and X and Ayin were trying to play the big heros. And Ayin could freely throw knives now. This was already shaping to be a better game than any UNO game they had thus far.

-"Well, Gentlemen,", Ayin started, the cards in his hands, "Shall we begin?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, arcanedesigns? What do you think? My first non-Canon compliant (sort of) FanFiction! Woo-hoo! I hope this lives up to the expectations I've set!
> 
> But yes, welcome everyone to one of my favourite things I wrote thus far: The Many Facets Of A. It's certainly close to a 'CrackFic' than any of my past stories have been, and I'm rather happy with how it came out; I always tried to write things logically and in an orderly manner, however, this time my effort went to creating something that was the complete opposite, and yet still enjoyable and palatable.
> 
> I like the characterization I gave to each character; Ayin has always been a favourite of mine. I like me some Anti-Heros with complex motives and tragic pasts and some terrible sins who still get you to sympathize with them. And yet, it's a shame we've gotten so, _so_ little when it comes to his character in Lobotomy Corp. or even in the Library. It would've been so much fun to see how he came along with Carmen or how he did all those terrible deeds of his.
> 
> Regardless, I tried giving him the character I'd imagine him having after his millennia of sins and pain: Constantly tired and wants to live a calm life. Slightly based on Hokma. In any case, you may notice his other selves, whose characters are not that much more developed than in-game, I simply put them in roles they'd fit. And wouldn't you know it, it led to some hilarious moments. I also put X as the plot instigator (alongside Ayin) to try and develop him a teeny-tiny bit more than he was in-game.
> 
> You may also wonder: "French?...Okay, I guess it makes sense, but why Anime?", to that I say: It's Anime. Born out the womb of two nuclear bombs. You truly think it wouldn't survive the City's setting?
> 
> Their interactions were simply a joy to write. I'm not good at characterizations, but they didn't turn out too badly here, I reckon. The environment didn't cause much issues with transitions since it's just an office, after all. Overall, I had a ton of fun writing everything.
> 
> But that's where you, my readers, come in! I wish for your thoughts, your feedbacks, and your criticisms, too! Each comment is a joy to read for me, and I'm always happy to see comments on my 'Fics, so please, do leave your thoughts!
> 
> But that is all I have in this chapter! I hope to see you all soon, but until next time, keep Facing the Fears, to Create the Future.


	2. Memories of Onions and Red Eyes

-"I don't get this idiocy! Why must I sleep when I am a being of The Light Carmen made to awaken humanity?!", in the dark, dank depths of Keter's office in the Library of Ruina, you wouldn't expect Adam to be yelling at Ayin from under some leather covers, made by stitching together hundreds of leather book covers. And yet, here he was, tattooed arm, insufferable personality, and the will to argue against every single bloody order he was given.  
  
-"Because I will not tolerate you idiots staying up for _twenty-four_ hours straight while I have to put up with it! I may sleep too, but I deserve some alone time in my waking without you turning it into a nightmare.", his original self replied, his eyes as annoyed as ever, but with a hint of happiness in them.  
  
-"Aw, come on, Ayin, today was loads of fun! I don't think I've played a game of DnD like this ever since Benjamin left us...", Abel interjected, a smile on his face as he sat on his proper bed, made with some leather and the softest papers they could find. "Couldn't you summon some pillows for us?", he added, his smile fading a bit as his discomfort started to show; paper, all things considered, was not made to be slept on.  
  
-"Beats me; my summoning power slightly dampened. Maybe I shouldn't have summoned so many knives today...", the normal-looking man answered, mumbling under his breath 'freaking Angela...' as he tried focusing, imagining a comfortable pillow and trying to summon it. He wasn't succeeding but he wasn't failing thus far.  
  
-"Y-Yeah....I-I couldn't believe I had... _fun_...I shouldn't be having fun after all I did...", Abraham used the moment of silence to...complain? Note? Whatever it is, he looked at the floor, likely disappointed with himself.  
  
-"Yeah! The way you gathered your beat-up equipment and went to get swallowed by Nothing There _only_ to rip your way back out?! Abraham, buddy, there was a very high probability you wouldn't have survived that and you still did!", X joined in from near Ayin's desk, where he had moved his chair.  
  
He was sorting books, trying to find some that would seem like a fun read. Assuming they weren't all gibberish. He found two; ' _Fauna of The City_ ' and ' _Dealing with Tragic Trauma Of Your Loved One Dying and Leaving Her Work in Your Hands, Forcing You to Commit Terrible Deeds: A Guide_ '. Sure, most were gibberish, but some were incredibly detailed. And would've been nice to have in The Corporation. The book seemed to almost spite them.  
  
-"I...I wasn't planning on surviving...", came the answer as the man with the unkempt hair tucked himself under the leather sheets, sighing.  
  
-"Ah. That makes more sense.", Ayin's clone nodded, returning to his books. At that instant, the real Ayin let out a sigh of relief as a large, comfortable looking pillow 'poof'-ed into his hands.  
  
-"There you go. Now go to sleep and be grateful that you can have good memories of this day.", the man in the lab-coat announced as he threw the pillow at his more hesitant self, returning to his desk as the other man hummed appreciatively; the floor wasn't too kind on his bones. Which, again, was strange since he was still his his forties, but perhaps the sins he was carrying on his back tired him a little.  
  
-"I don't understand why X gets to stay awake!", Adam cried out, outraged about this grave injustice. "You say you're trying to get rid of our annoyances, you knife throwing madman, and yet he stays awake?! Am I supposed to believe that?", he interrogated, pointing with disdain at the man seated on the book throne, who tried to bury himself further into his book, trying to appear as if he was not there.  
  
-"He's sorting books, Adam. Even _you_ enjoy a good book during our down-time from the endless games we play.", the amber-eyed man explained, making himself comfortable on his desk chair. "He'll join you sometime, if that's what you're worried about."  
  
-"Yeah, right. And what forces me to sleep, anyway?", the long-haired man challenged, and Abel, though apparently asleep, managed to incorporate a grunt from his sleep. The answer was another knife that Ayin had in his pocket. "You'll kill me to sleep? How's that supposed to work?!"  
  
-"Adam.", Ayin started, trying to maintain all the jolly fun they had today in Demons and Darkness. "Go to sleep.", he ordered with all the sternness he had in him. All the sternness and courage he mustered from managing the Abnormalities before delegating that role to X. And surprisingly, it seemed to work, as Adam pulled the covers and mumbled something under his breath, his head turned towards his complete-self, staring at him, as if refusing to sleep.  
  
This staring contest lasted for approximately ten minutes before the tattooed man finally started giving in to sleep. They didn't _need_ to sleep, as they were beings of the Light, after all, but in the right circumstances, they could always fall asleep. The mumblings of the insane man, probably cursing his human weaknesses, were the last thing uttered before his eyes closed.  
  
-"He can be childish at times, can't he?", X commented, still in his book.  
  
-"You're one to talk, Mr.I-Want-To-Know-More-About-Myself. I'm not one to talk either, but I'll give you one thing, those tattoos are _hideous_. It's like a teenager trying to rebel before he realizes he probably didn't like tattoos in the first place.", the amber-eyed man answered, trying to gauge if Adam was really asleep. If he wasn't, he'd have gotten up and started a fight.  
  
Ayin didn't remember when he discovered they could still sleep. Probably during his first week here when he was still depressed about his plan failing. It was a necessary step, but it wasn't easy. He first suggested it to his selves -or, more accurately, ordered it- during his second week, when the rabble was just too much for him to handle. When they gave in, he felt like this was heaven. He wasn't entirely alone, and yet, he had calm. This was like he was back with Carmen in his old office.  
  
Carmen...  
  
-"Yeah, I suppose I can't talk. So, this is my reward for helping you win against Adam in our DnD game."  
  
-"Yes, the reward which you requested. I hope you'll savour it, because I doubt I'll do it out of my own free will anytime soon..."  
  
-"Oh, then it just means we must win more DnD games!", X concluded, trying to give his original self a smile, one he didn't return. "Aw. Don't be so cold, Ayin. I only requested you give me more information about Carmen, y'know? I thought you loved the woman.", he tried sounding hurt, laying his book on Ayin's desk and scooting his throne a bit close. Normally, this would be difficult, but with the power of sheer luck, determination, and duct-tape, they taped it together for ease of transport.  
  
-"It is precisely for that reason why I'm unhappy with our arrangement.", the 'older' of the two explained, sighing. "You're too inquisitive, X. You're too curious. You always know a good mystery when you see one. You're too much like the man I hate most: Me.", he reprimanded, not earning a reaction from the his doppelgänger.  
  
-"I assume that's how you two met? You bumped into her on the street while she was running away and you felt some inherent gravity drag you towards her?", the clone asked, putting his arm on the desk in an interrogatory manner. It didn't help much, as the person he was interrogating simply laughed.  
  
-"You're much too naïve, X. Those happy meetings aren't as common as you might expect. It went more along the lines of...well, how about I show you?', Ayin proposed, intriguing the other. "I'll share some memories with you. Go into your mind. Maybe it'll help you understand a bit.  
  
X relaxed his body into his throne, looking at his original copy suspiciously, trying to sense any potential betrayal. When there was none, he slowly sunk into his mind, alongside the amber-eyed man, who closed his own eyes and searched for memories, digging them up.

* * *

  
  
_-"You're much too naïve, Carmen.", a familiar voice said, something of a pitying tone in his voice. The memory was somewhere in the Backstreets. The filthy streets told X as much as he needed to know. The people, some holding hands with their loved ones, some walking angrily, some spouting obscenities...it was an all-too-familiar sensation._   
  
_The Ayin that was talking was nothing like the one he was. The one he knew; now he seemed much more lively, even if the stranger wouldn't know, X felt his eyes emit more life. His posture was more straightened, and the belittling smile he gave Carmen was much more enthusiastic._   
  
_Speaking of which, his crush was standing atop a dirty wooden crate, looking down to meet the eyes of the man who was talking to her. She was just like in his memories; shining, bright, lively...If there's one thing he remembered well, it seemed to be her. Her eyes looked even more beautiful somehow, as if the dullness of the Backstreets made her shine more. She must've stopped her usual speeches when Ayin walked up to her._   
  
_-"You're not the first, nor are you going to be the last, to try and awaken people from their sweet dreams. You're passionate, Carmen, but I've been following your speeches for a while now, and you're not getting much traction. Do you believe people will follow you? Better yet, do you believe this isn't some sort of madness which you're afflicted by?", he continued talking, something of concern in his eyes. Interesting. So it wasn't love at first sight. In retrospect, that should've been obvious._   
  
_-"Well, that may be true...I'm not particularly pretty, and my voice isn't the most pleasant, and perhaps I'm underestimating some stuff...But I know I can make a change! You know it too, don't you? This sickness that's spreading throughout the City? The sickness where no one dreams anymore, no one even cares...We can make a change if we even acknowledge the futility of this way of living! To better the City forever!", she replied, still brimming with energy and trying to gather a crowd. It seemed some young, old, or other folks of the backstreets listened to her, smiling at her innocence or her ideal._   
  
_-"Carmen, do you honestly think you'd have survived if you went to more dangerous areas? You're lucky you're in Zwei's section.", her contender scoffed, shaking his head. "There have been countless others before you who said the same things, only for it to become a dangerous syndicate or, worse, end up as a pacifist group that is instantly murdered.", he recounted, trying to dissuade the woman in front of him. "You're still young. Did you come fresh out of the Nest? If you go back in, you'll find a good job as a public speaker with your skills."_   
  
_-"I do not care about the Nest! I care about humanity! The one we buried deep in neglect, which we can bring back through our effort! Perhaps I know not of Backstreet pains, but I know the ones in the Nest far too well.", she argued back, annoying him further._   
  
_-"And what will that knowledge benefit you? You cannot simply change the world with words. Your words will be another stepping stone for some gut-harvester at this rate.", he answered back, somewhat bitter. "I know more about the pains of the Nest then you'll ever do, and you cannot start a movement by yourself. Where are your Fixers? Your workers? You truly think you'll rise in the ranks on this barrel?!", he mocked, earning a few laughs from the crowd, who started dispersing bit by bit._   
  
_-"That may be true, but even the weak can cut down heads with their strong-will! Maybe even cut down The Hea-"_   
  
_-"Are you **DAFT**?!", the man under her climbed the barrel, putting his hand on her mouth. "Do not, under any circumstance, mention their names, even as a joke! Their Eyes know no bounds, and you cannot fight them by yourself! Listen to me, Carmen. Listen to a man who's seen much more than he should've.", he kept trying to convince her, putting his hand away as people started leaving, some running away at the mere mention of the Head._   
  
_-"...Why did you protect me?", she asked, her eyes confused. "If you wanted them to make a note of me, you'd have left me to say their names. Why not?", she tilted her head. This woman was going to die in three weeks, tops._   
  
_-"Because I'd hate to see another soul with some hope die in vain. Your best hope is to become a Fixer in an association and enforce your ideal, Carmen. You simply don't have the people who can help you on your side.", he turned his back on her, walking away and letting her think of his words._   
  
_-"You seem to know much about the City, Mister.", she yelled from behind him, and he stopped. "Why didn't you try to change it?", because I'm part of the problem, is what he wanted to say. What he wanted to yell, so that all the City could hear it. A man like him would make a terrible messenger; he didn't have the life he saw behind her red eyes._   
  
_-"I can't. I'm also a single man. I cannot change the City, Carmen. Even if I were to obtain this strong will you claim, those around me will start chopping each other's heads off the moment the main threat is gone. You need a plan, lots of logistics, and a group for these things. You have none.", he answered, a mixture of indifference and distaste in his voice. He turned back to continue walking when someone grabbed his arm and turned him around._   
  
_-"Mister, will you join me?"_   
  
_-"I'm sorry?"_

_-"I said: will you join me?", she repeated, her eyes beaming and her smile as wide as ever. The dumbfounded expression he gave her was soon replaced with a laugh._

_-"Do you think I can help you?! I can't help myself! You're dooming your project by having me on board, Carmen.", he continued laughing, unable to stop himself, as if he had just heard the funniest thing ever._

_-"Well, I'm willing to take that risk.", she defiantly stated, staring into his eyes, and his laughing suddenly stopped. "You do not seem as if you're preoccupied with much, Mister. Why not join me? You can always leave if you ever want to.", she added, and his eyes narrowed a bit. "Maybe we can't change the world, but we can sure try."_

_-"Stop calling me Mister.", he demanded, shaking her hand off his shoulder. She smiled further. "Why are you always smiling? What's so nice?", irritated, the man started growing more confused and annoyed._

_-"Oh, nothing.", she answered, her smile wearing off. "I just thought that my smiles could make someone's day better. I'm sorry if I made it worse, Mister.", she apologized. He tried to seem grateful when the smile wore off her face, but in truth, he'd never seen such a brilliant smile. It pained him to see it go away._

_-"I told you to stop calling me Mister!"_

_-"Oh, sorry. What's your name?", his...name? It's...it's been so long since someone asked for that information. It's been so long since he asked himself. Under her constant niceties, his memory worked._

_-"I'm...My name is Ayin."_

_-"Oh, that's a pretty name! I've never heard such a name before, Ayin!", he didn't know if she was merely mocking him or if she was truly being nice, and that bothered him. He wasn't a foreigner to Nest life, but he wasn't a newcomer to the Backstreets, either. He should've known if she was sincere or not._

_-"Thanks...I guess...", he averted his gaze, looking at nothing in particular._

_-"Well, are you going to join me or not?"_

_-"That's not for me to decide. Do you want me to ruin your life or not?", he turned the question back to her, a sarcastic and unpleasant tone in his voice. She didn't smile, but she wore a soft expression._

_-"I'm willing to take the risk.", she extended a hand, and he looked at it for a while. He'd failed many people in his life. He'd know better; he failed himself. And yet...he wanted to believe...to have hope that he could inspire people to be better than him, in a sense. He didn't have much to care for now, anyways. Even if the Head found out about him, at least he can die doing something useful. He just hoped this wasn't some cult, but he saw those before, and this wasn't like one._

_He took a deep breath and shook her hand, and her expression suddenly became a lot more natural._

_-"Oh, wow. My first colleague! I never thought I'd get this far. It's nice to have someone behind me for once!", she happily spoke, and the expression he gave her told her he wasn't expecting this._

_-"Huh. Never thought you'd be able to speak like a normal person. I guess I didn't make the wrong choice."_

_-"Hey, that's mean! I tried my best, y'know, these speeches aren't easy to make!", she argued back, and he shrugged. "The least you could do is **try** to seem interested, you know? I know you joined this because you think I'll kill myself, but I won't! Trust me, I have a plan!", she assured him, and he eyed her before speaking:_

_-"Do you have any place outside of the Head's reach?", he asked, trying to skim over the word 'Head' like it's taboo. Her expression became concerned._

_-"Should I have something like this?"_

_-"Oh, Carmen...We're going to have much to discuss...", he facepalmed. Of course she wouldn't have some place away from The Head's reach. Who did? Only Colours knew how to hide from The Head. Well, Colours and their associates._

_-"Indeed.", she smiled, and this time, the smile felt completely natural. "Like your favourite food! Do you like doughnuts? I love doughnuts! I especially love them when they're filled with chocolate and covered with caramel...Ooooh, that's the good stuff...Do you want to get doughnuts?", she speedily spoke, almost startling the man beside her._

_-"I do-oooon't want any. I'm speaking on a 'What I can do' sort of deal.", he stopped himself; it'd be bad if anyone knew he was a fan of sugary things, especially the woman he just met who claimed she had a solution to the terrible happenings in the City._

_-"Oh. I get it. Well, we can talk about that later! Do you have anyone else you can bring?", she asked, enthusiasm radiating throughout her. It didn't radiate enough to faze Ayin, however. Or so it seemed._

_-"...Yeah, I have a friend called Benjamin. I'll see if he wants to join.", he replied, his eyes calm as Carmen got even more excited. She said something else, but her voice started becoming hazy, and so did the image. A cloudy smoke engulfed everything before it turned black._

* * *

-"Gah!", back in The Library, X had to gasp for his breath as he felt like he just woke up from a long, long sleep. So, this was what it was like to have memories he could get lost in.

-"Calm down, buddy. Don't want to be waking Adam up, do we?", waiting for him was, of course, his original self. Now that he looked at him, he was noticeably depressed, especially in comparison to his youthful self. "So, that's the memory. I guess that's enough for this one."

-"You...I looked...different back then."

-"You noticed? I never thought you'd do.", came the sarcastic reply. "What can I say? Everything changed for me after I fell in love with Carmen. I didn't 'do' love, not because I was too high-up for it or some such nonsense I'd have said at sixteen, but because I always feared the departure. Much like Roland, I never wanted to see my beloved go away. As always, my greatest fears came true, and she was gone one day...All because I approved the experiment with Enoch...", he sighed, his eyes becoming shrouded in sadness. He quickly dispersed this sadness and replaced it with a firm look.

-"I see. I didn't think my first speaking with Carmen would essentially be me insulting her, but I guess it was foreseeable.", his double muttered, trying to skim over the sadness setting in. "So that was her life before meeting you, huh? A woman telling of a coming disease on the streets of the Backstreets. It's difficult to see why you thought she was mad.", he commented, trying to change subjects with a joke.

-"Anyone would've thought as much, given the abundance of mad folk on the streets. Carmen could've been one of them.", Ayin spoke, his voice slow as he stared at her portrait.

-"And yet, she wasn't."

-"Not as far as I could tell. I'm telling you, X, the woman had pure intentions. Even if seemed straight out of a hooey story of the Backstreets, I'm telling you, I didn't see it.", Ayin pleaded, almost looking to convince his 'younger' self of his opinion. "I know that she wasn't perfect, but she can't be the same woman in the Light that's guiding maniacs like Argalia and distorting people. She didn't handle Enoch's death, X.", he further explained his ideas, a disgust in his voice as he mentioned the Distortion.

-"I trust ya'. I don't feel like I trusted people willy-nilly. Still, didn't you accept her invitation a bit _too_ quickly?", he asked, less reproachful and more curious.

-"I did, but what can I say? The temptation of trying to change the City got to me. Plus she gave me the opportunity to leave whenever I wanted. It almost sounded too good to pass up.", he justified himself, dragging his eyes away from the picture on his desk to look at X.

-"Which reminds me, you still didn't tell me much about you before you met Carmen...", X scratched his chin, trying to seem smug.

-"And I didn't plan to show you. You'd better pick your choices carefully, X. I promised three memories, and we're done with one. You have two left. Pick carefully, because you never know the consequen-"

-"Show me when you nose-bled all over Carmen!", his clone excitedly remembered, earning a hateful glare, alongside a swear alongside Abel's way. He was far too excited for this. 

-"...How about no? Maybe you shouldn't venture that far off into the memory realm, buddy. You won't like what you'll find.", the amber-eyed man warned, his voice going low. Not that it ever fazed X; if ever Ayin was planning to hurt him, the thought would come up in his mind and he'd prepare to run or scream, whichever was most effective.

-"Oh, come on! If you don't, then you know I'll just try and figure it out on my own. I _am_ you, after all. You were quite the inquisitive guy.", he casually mentioned before his heartbeat stopped for a moment when he felt that Ayin's mind had the image of a knife pop up in it.

-"...Yeah, I was particularly stubborn, wasn't I? Barely into my late twenties and I already had hope to change the City...fine, I'll show you the memory, but I swear, if you mention it to anyone else, I'll take my shirt off.", his original copy threatened, leaving the more optimistic man confused. "You don't take kindly to seeing more of the person you hate most.", came the explanation, and the other man nodded.

-"Ah. I suppose I'll have to live that if ever I take a bath. Well, don't worry, I won't mention it to any else. Exceptyoubutwhocares.", it was futile to try and hide his words, as Ayin would find them out one way or another, but he took joy in trying to bamboozle himself. "Shall we go now?"

Ayin sighed, scratching his head before leaning back in his seat again. Ah, to have a seat that could actually go back. How X envied him. Before long, he, too, had sunk into his book throne (the best he could, anyway.), and closed his eyes, waiting for a new memory.

* * *

_-"Ayin?", the scenery had changed again. They were no longer in the Backstreets of the City. It was closed office, cosy with plain walls. A few sofas and chairs, obviously used, were scattered in front of a television that was hanging on the door to the office. An unorthodox and obviously unsafe place, but nobody seemed to care much about that._

_A few plants covered the office, some being cacti, some being small trees, and some being dead. There was no doubt about it; cramped, yet orderly and unconventional, it was Ayin's office. The man himself was situated on a very, **very** cramped desk, a whiteboard on his right and a bunch of plans on his left, with dozens on books on his desk, alongside a computer. He was busy writing something when he begrudgingly acknowledged the woman entering his office, trying her best not to make the TV fall off._

_-"Ooooh, this is so good...Guess what I did today!", she excitedly announced, closing her fists in front of her as she nearly vibrated in place. He looked at her with the tired expression of a man who hadn't slept in forty-three hours and twenty-five minutes, but the smile he gave her..._

_...How? How was there so much warmth behind it? How was it so alive? Why was he so pleasant? It wasn't just happiness, that was evident enough, but there was something in his amber eyes...something subtle, yet so obvious...And if there was so much warmth, where did it go? Just as a great fire does not extinguish easily, so does a great smile, and the fact that Ayin was no longer able to even replicate them...it spoke volumes._

_-"You did your hair?"_

_-"Oh, yes, actually! I did it as celebration after I- How did you even notice?", her happy tone suddenly became impressed. He didn't answer her immediately, his tired face blinking at her for a while before he noticed what he just said and coughed._

_-"Just a random guess.", he lied, but it sounded so convincing...it didn't seem Carmen caught onto him. If she did, she didn't say anything._

_-"Well, okay, that was one thing, but it's not the important thing!"_

_-"You finally decided against your crazy plan and told The Head?"_

_-"No, you silly goose! I recruited a Grade 2 Fixer!", she announced, excitement oozing out of her declaration as her junior's jaw dropped. He remained silent, the bags under his eyes lightening up a little, as if they were surprised by the announcement. "You could say something, you know. I like input."_

_-"H-How?! Grade 2s are notorious for having seen it all! Even the most gullible wouldn't fall for our idea! Wh-Where was this Fixer? Are they mad? Did they get angry?", he rapidly shot his questions one after another, picking up a coffee cup on his desk that had long gone cold as he walked up to Carmen, standing face-to-face with her. He was a bit taller than her now that they were on solid ground, not the bumpy, hilly Backstreet streets._

_-"Well, what can I say, I guess my charms worked their magic.", she tried to smile charismatically as she laid a hand on her waist. It only served to make her look innocent. And cute. NowaitBADTHOUGHT-_

_-"I'm not convinced.", he uttered, trying his best to choke each of his blood vessels to stop his face from turning red._

_-"Alright, alright, you got me. I tried getting her hooked by saying I knew the pains of The Nest, and hoped she'd help me learn the pains of the Backstreets. That to help people awaken their conscious, we needed studies and some protection...we needed to stand by each other not to divide each other further by useless labels. After our plan, we can divide each other as much as we want.", she repeated, moving her hair a little and showing her teddy-bear clip. Take it easy, Ayin...you trained in choking your blood flow...choke it...choke it..._

_-"Neato.", he managed, trying to keep his 'cool, unmoved man' aura. She pouted at him, and he spoke again, "So who did you manage to recruit? I've known my fair share of Grade 2s, and none of them are so gullible or selfless they'd help us."_

_-"Oh, uh...her name was Kali. She seemed like a fun person. People admired her, too.", she nonchalantly stated, though still looking pleased. Probably trying to out-do Ayin at his own game of staying cool. Well, she was about to win. "I think she'll be here any day now; I have an eye for peo-", she tried to brag but he brought a finger to her face, and swallowed as much he could from his cup. At the same time, a small door next to his desk opened._

_-"Sheesh,", a young man with green eyes and glasses walked out, trying to fan the air in front of him. "You're gonna have to unclog your pipes soon, Ayin, your food has too many onions in it for both their and our sake, and we really don't have time to redo our pipin-", the young man, Benjamin, didn't get to complete his sentence, however, because Ayin suddenly spat the coffee he was drinking._

_Usually, you'd spit a drink like this in the face of whoever gave you incredible information. Ayin, of course, didn't have it in him to spit in Carmen's face, so the result was that he covered his shoes and his floor (Thank God it didn't reach the carpet!) with coffee._

_-"Wh- Okay, I'm sorry, I should've paid more attention, but it's not my fault you literally use two kilograms of onions in two days!", not quite aware of the situation, Benjamin appeared offended, trying to fend for himself before Ayin spoke again:_

_-" **YOU RECRUITED KALI 'THE RED MIST' INTO OUR SHODDY, RICKETY OFFICE!** ", he cried, emphasizing every word with his hands, nearly breaking down. A 'click' was heard in the silence the followed, and Ayin vaguely recognized that Benjamin went back to the bathroom to ponder what he just heard. "SHE COULD KILL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US!", he screamed, tears welling up in his eyes. "WE...WE...", but before he could continue, a pair of hands grabbed his cheeks._

_-"Shhh.", what was happening? She never did this before. Why was she holding him? Why wasn't he fighting back? What is going on? "Shhhhhh. Calm down, Ayin. It's not the end of the world! We have some other researchers and workers with us! Gabriel is one of the most organized people I've ever met, so it's not like it's the first time we hired someone of worth.", she comforted him, trying to make the confused, scared, unbelieving expression on his face go away._

_-"But...But..."_

_-"No buts! I promise she won't hurt us, okay? We've been afloat for six months now, and I promise I'll try my best to keep that number increasing.", she spoke up, her voice kind, looking him directly in his eyes. "Sit down.", she brought him forward, stepping over the spilled coffee and seating him on the couch. He heard another 'click', but he didn't'really care for what it stood for._

_-"I'm...I'm sorry, I know this shouldn't be what I'm doing, but it's all...It's all so quick you know? Can I at least welcome her with you?", he asked, or perhaps pleaded, and she nodded affirmatively, not even hesitating._

_-"Of course! I'm sure she'll love meeting a fan!", yeah, 'fan'. Sure, he could go with that for now. Fans and frightened observers were all quite close, after all. "Ayin?"_

_-"Hm?"_

_-"Don't panic, buddy. I know you're the cautious one in this place, and I know you think I'm moving to quickly, but I honestly listen to your every word. I do. You and Benjamin, you two were all I had for five months in the Outskirts. Don't you ever think I'll do something to upset my favourite junior.", she promised him, putting a hand on his shoulder as she leaned back on the sofa. "Now, give me a smile!"_

_-"I'm not a child!"_

_-"Then I'll force you to!", she challenged, and before he could object, she stuck both of her indexes into his mouth and tried drawing a smile. "Come on...come on...Your teeth are really yellow, you know that?", she noted, and he tried mumbling something._

_-"Aht's...Gen'etic...", he tried, only for a garbled mess to come out. "Ahf 'ah 'ake a shmile, will 'oo 'eave me?", she nodded. Well, here goes nothing. She pulled out her fingers and he closed his eyes, tilted his head, and bared his teeth. It was all so...foreign to the Ayin that just yesterday choked himself over a game of Uno. It was so pretty._

_-"Now that's what I like to see!", she got up, admiring her handy work and giving him a smile of her own. Hers were much more dashing than his, but she gave them to everyone, unlike Ayin, whom he gave to the more privileged. "You know, it's been a while since we last had dinner together! Get Benjamin, we three have to celebrate every accomplishment!", she ordered him, getting up and moving to the door. "Sorry, I have some work to do now but...Ayin?"_

_-"Yeah?", he seemed almost staggered. Still a lost mess._

_-"Thanks for everything.", she closed the door gently, trying to not let the T.V. fall. Ayin just stared at the door, a mix of awe and confusion on his face. That was before he realized someone's head was slowly creeping up from behind the couch. His pupils suddenly became smaller and very, very scared._

_-"Oh no."_

_-"OOOOOOH YEEEEEEES!", Benjamin cried from behind him, making him turn around. "That sweet, sweet tension...Mhmm, I could almost cut it! Mwah!", he gave a chef's kiss with a hand and wiped a non-existent tear with his other one. "So, should we start buying your wedding suit or what? What about the house?", he asked, giving the biggest crap-eating grin one could humanely give._

_-"Fffffor your information, Benjamin, Carmen is merely my colleague.", the black-haired man refuted his claims, however weak that defence may be, as he maintained a composed figure. "You should know better, Benjamin, we've been friends for years, you know I'm not one for these things.", if you could give a reward for how convincing an obvious lie was, this would probably get first place._

_-"Yep. In fact, I'd doubt it was you acting like a mess around Carmen for the fiftieth time this week had I not filmed this entire thing.", he pulled up a small video-camera, leaning back on a wall behind him. Ayin's breathing stopped for half a second. Well, it was just Benjamin. He could...deal with that. "In fact, I'll send it to your phone just so you could see how- Oh.", why did his voice drop? WHY DID HIS VOICE DROP? "I...think I accidentally sent it to Carmen."_

_Ten second of complete and utter silence. That's what it was, but Ayin felt like his heart stopped and dropped into the chasm that had been his chest for years. His thoughts went a mile a second; should he escape and head to the Ruins? Jump off the nearest cliff? Man-up and accept that she could never, ever love someone like him?_

_-"Hah! Just kidding, you know I'm not that type of per-", unfortunately for Benjamin, however, he didn't have time to complete his joke, as Ayin moved at near super-human speed, tackling him to the ground in front of the sofa and shoving one of its pillows on his face, letting out a gurgle._

_Another few moments of silence ensued, though this time with a lot of muffled screaming from the man under the pillow. He'd jump off the nearest cliff, but first he'd take Benjamin with him. Try to film this now!_

_-"Oh, whoops, I forgot to tell you-", and, of course, Carmen would re-enter the room at this point. Why wouldn't she? Ayin felt her enter, and looked up, fear freezing his senses. His grip relaxed on the pillow, allowing Benjamin to push it over and utter something. The words that every man dreams to say one day. The only words that ever truly mattered:_

_-"W-Worth...it...", he coughed out, not noticing the horror on his friend's face as Carmen stared, somewhat hurt._

_-"Carmen, I can explain..."_

_-"Of course you can!", she barged in, a determined expression on her face. "You never told me that you liked pillow fights before!", both their expressions froze, and before Benjamin could utter a peep, Ayin had taken the lead and tied it to his words:_

_-"Yes! Yeah, I just...you know, didn't want you to think we're childish! It's just an..an old vestige from our childhood.", of course, that could be true, but the fact that Ayin and Benjamin never met as children would probably make the latter doubt the statement. He just had to play along. He grunted affirmatively. The amber eyed man's fake smile widened for a bit before dwindling again. He owed him now. Darn it._

_-"Oh, you guys! You know I'd never think like that.", well, that much was true. Ayin got off the green-eyed man, allowing his to get up. "Oh, we're going to throw the best parties ever like this!", she excitedly planned, jumping both men in the moment and drawing them to a group hug._

_This was too much. During the confusion, he'd forgotten all about choking his arteries or whatever, and he suddenly felt his nose tingling, then burning, then hurting. He tried to dissuade his involuntary reaction, but he had no carpet under him. Please. Not in front of Carmen. Please._

_Unfortunately, his body failed him as it always did, and in under a split-second, his nose let out a stream that was far too big for a nose bleed. The sheer velocity made it cover Carmen's lab-coat and her brown shirt, and also cover her with confusion, it seemed. It was also enough to throw him backwards, making him fall on his back and turning the bleeding into a fountain. At least the pressure wasn't as high now, but he still had a fountain of blood that went a few centimetres above his head._

_-" **OHMYGOD HIS NOSE JUST EXPLODED!** ", he heard Carmen yell, and he didn't know if he appreciated her sympathy or just wanted to earth to swallow him already. "Wh-What happened? Is Ayin alright?", she quickly turned her attention to the man beside her as she knelt and tried pressing on the bleeding man's nose to slow the fountain._

_-"Oh, that...yeah, it's genetic, we just have to clog it before he loses more than two litres.", the green-eyed man tried to calm her down, picking up some tissues from his friends' desk and kneeled, giving a few to Carmen as he tried his luck at preforming a very complex medical procedure known as: Let's shove this tissue as far back in his nose as possible._

_-"Did this happen before? How did this happen? Will he be alright?"_

_-"It's...it's because of work stress and his bad sleeping habits. He'll recover from this. I hope.", speaking of bad sleeping habits, his head did feel incredibly heavy. Maybe his mind has finally decided that enough was enough and decided to both end his embarrassment and give him the sleep he desperately lacked._

_Whatever it was, the words of his friends slowly slurred as he left their world, heading to a sleep that left little but a black screen for him to observe._

* * *

-"Aw.", back in his book-throne X begrudgingly joined the real world again. "I wanted to see what happened afterwards.", he complained, much to his original self's satisfaction.

-"Alright, your third memor-"

-"Waitwaitwait! I meant...as in, a hypothetical scenario.", whew. Ayin was good at these tricks. Well, of course he was, he wouldn't have gotten to be a Wing otherwise.

-"Really? I could've sworn you said-"

-"I know what I said but I now change it before you're able to offer me any service.", trying to argue like this in the Backstreets would usually get one killed. But when arguing with yourself, every argument was a good one, especially if it made your other self...your original self...Whatever! It made Ayin groan and roll his eyes. "So, six months in and I was already head-over-heels, huh?"

-"You were.", the 'older' self confirmed before rephrasing himself. "I was.", he said, a strange depression overtaking him. "Every time Carmen was around, she'd bring joy to me. She was beacon to all of us, but to me...She felt like something I never had but always wished to. She felt like the sun, warm and inviting...She was at the centre of everything, including my heart.", he sighed, but it wasn't one of his annoyed or tired sighs. It was a dreamy one, one you wouldn't expect a man like him to ever utter.

-"And Benjamin knew?"

-"Of course he did. We knew each other for years. I'd have been surprised if he didn't."

-"Well, it's nice that he was supportive.", X chuckled at the memory. He wanted to ask about when they met, but he didn't want to waste his last memory. 

-"Yeah...always supporting me, even at the darkest of times...", except when he went too far, of course. "He tried to set me up a few times, but I had another plan in mind. I thought...I thought that directly after the Seed of Light...I'd...I'd propose. You know, like in the movies? I think I got too dreamy; no one ever has their dreams in the City. No one.", he darkly finished, a bitter smile on his face.

-"Huh. I'd have liked to see more of me and her. Not now, of course, but you understand. I assume I still have those nose issues?", he asked casually, trying his best not to smile, but his doppelgänger knew better.

-"As a matter of fact, I do. I just hope I don't nosebleed any more, because you four idiots raised my blood pressure so much I'd bleed dry in a minute.", he muttered, still depressed. Well, that wasn't good. To tell the truth, under the jokes, X felt a terrible sadness that he never met Carmen. An even more terrible sadness that he never would now. "Listen, X, you and I, we're both starting to feel the consequences of your actions, so just tell me what you want to see now. Let's get this over with."

-"Show me the moment you fell in love with Carmen.", he'd been thinking of this for a while, but so far, all he'd seen were the moments before that or after. Then what was that first tingly feeling like?

-"Of course you would. Alright, let us begin, then.", not wasting a moment, the scientist didn't even bother laying back in his chair. He merely focused, and before X could get into position, his mind went black again.

* * *

_-"Come on, Ayin! Just a bit more and we'll reach it!", it was morning in the Outskirts. A terrible morning that saw the sun radiate its rays on the corpses on the innocents and the criminals of the night. It also saw two dorks running._

_-"Yes, yes, I've heard this for the last fifteen minutes ever since you dragged me from my very important logistics work!", Ayin yelled as he ran behind her. She came into his office today, saying she wanted to show him something. He obviously refused, as his work needed much concentration, and so she took his favourite coffee mug and ran out of their laboratory. He ran out after her.  
_

_It was difficult to build, what with them being only three, but Benjamin was a master at robotics. Using Ayin's speciality, AI, they built a few droids that managed to create a rather vast, and very secluded, outpost. Protected from the horrors of the Outskirts, and hopefully the Head._

_-"Oh, come on! I've never showed anyone else what you'll see now!", she shot back, continuing her escapade before she finally stopped. "We're here."_

_-" **You're** here! I'm taking my coffee mug and...and...", he grabbed the mug from her hand, but he was too caught up in the fact that he was apparently seeing greenery in front of him. Maybe he drank the coffee too late again; greenery wasn't impossible, per say, but without properly prepared equipment, only the occasional shrub sprouted in the Backstreets. And now he was seeing what looked like a forest in the **Outskirts**. "H-How..."_

_-"Crazy, right? I also didn't believe it the first time I saw, but look! Real grass! Real trees! Do you know what this means?", the red-eyed scientist interrogated, stepping in front of him and opening her arms for the pleasant breeze. A breeze that was filled with chlorophyll. Ayin had seen natural growing grass before, but never this lush...nor was it without some monsters in it. Which, actually- "The land is healing!"  
_

_-"Wait! This isn't safe! There has to be some monster there, Carmen! Please, be careful!", while you may find many disagreeable things about him, one thing he himself did not dispute was that he had a pretty good fight-or-flight instinct. He grabbed her arm, hoping to pull her out of the green patch._

_-"Oh, relax, silly! I've been here before, it's no big deal.", she tried comforting him, but she only managed to make him even more worried._

_-"You've been here before?! Carmen, you could've died!"_

_-"Oh, come on, Ayin that's...a really valid concern, actually. I should've brought you with me sooner.", she brought a knuckled hand to her chin, trying to think about what would've happened if it wasn't safe. "Hm. That's a terrifying thought. That aside, it's pretty, isn't it?", what was truly terrifying was how careless she was!_

_-"Wha- Yeah, sure it's pretty, but do you have idea what would happen to the project if you died?! Carmen, we need you!", he berated her, and she stopped for a moment, rubbing her arm._

_-"Yeah...that wouldn't have been fun...", she admitted, giving a shy smile. Well, with a face like that, he could only forgive her- Wait what? This wasn't how he thought. What the? "Still, come with me!", she suddenly grabbed his hand, guiding him to a tree in the middle of the lush greenery. This mini-forest, so to speak._

_-"Where are you taking me? Is this an assassination attempt? I knew I shouldn't have joined you...", he deadpanned, and for a rare moment, it was her that rolled her eyes at him. When they reached the tree, he thought she'd make him inspect, and so he kneeled, but then, in his moment of weakness, she tackled him._

_His instinct made him chuck her away as soon as she touched his back; Backstreet instinct was impossible to get rid of. His mind's instinct, however, then berated him for being such an awful garbage human being._

_-"I'm sorry! Are you alright?", he bit his lip, hurrying to her side, but she merely rolled in the grass, a satisfied expression on her face. The grass broke her fall. It meant there was plenty of it. Woah. This place must've been growing for a while._

_-"Of course I am! I won't be so easily broken!", she bragged, straightening herself to lay on the tree trunk. "Come on, your turn! Sit down!", she ordered him, and he glared at her for making him worry- Wait what? No, he glared because she was careless! He sat down on the grass, probably for the first time in his life, and he felt...relaxed. The way they were seated meant that the sun sent its rays on the both of them, and tree was behind them. The grass tickled his legs as he spread them in front of him._

_-"It's relaxing, isn't it? It reminds me of the photosynthesis of plants! It's so pleasant.", she stretched as she crossed her legs. "I've been wanting to do this for a while with you, Ayin.", she added, sliding a bit further down so that she could be fully touching the grass. She gestured for him to join her._

_-"...Why? I'm not particularly pleasant to be around.", the man next to her stated, sighing heavily. He didn't immediately obey, but her constant gaze, alongside her pout, forced him to oblige. "...It's been a while since I saw so much grass.", he repeated, unable to find a topic of conversation._

_-"Oh, bollocks. You managed to keep Benjamin around as you are, that must mean something. And besides, you're far too kind to me for someone who just wants to try something fun.", she refuted his words, waving them away with a free hand. "You've been working too diligently, Ayin. Stop putting yourself down. You don't have the slightest idea what you did to my idea."...he didn't? He thought he cheered her up. "For a moment, I thought I was really going mad, you know?"_

_-"Oh, you did. You just have me going mad with you.", he turned his head to her, and she laughed._

_-"That may be true, but it's nice to have someone on my side, Ayin. I can't say I had too many friends before. More like 'Pity Pals', you know? So I didn't really know how to act with you guys on the team.", she confessed, sighing as she took in the sun's rays._

_-"I know. Sometimes you just wish you were handed a list with what you should do.", he wished, and she nodded in agreement. "Still, you haven't told me what we're here for.", he asked, and she pointed to the sky._

_-"Hey, look! This looks like a Fixer sword!", she pointed out, and despite the fact that it did look eerily similar, the cloud in the sky didn't really pique Ayin's interests. "Oh, yeah, about that. Ayin...Why are you really with me?"_

_-"I'm sorry?"_

_-"I'm saying that I'm all alone with you and Benjamin. If you wanted to rob or kill me, you'd have done so a week in. If you were just having fun, you wouldn't spend sleepless nights trying to figure out how to feed us using the cheapest materials in the market. So why? Why spend your time with a madwoman like me?", she questioned him, her eyes filled with something like sadness. He didn't like that; sadness didn't fit Carmen._

_-"...Why do you think I stayed?", he inverted the question, interested to see what she thought of him._

_-"You told me back in the Backstreets that you didn't want another soul like me to be killed. And forgive me arrogance, but you don't seem to have many friends.", she hypothesized, and when he didn't stop her, she continued, "You tried to make a change, didn't you?"_

_-"...I did.", he confessed, averting his eyes from her eyes, as if they had some sort of power on him. "I tried to change the world for the better, once. But it was an inane idea; it's like saying you'll replace the Head one day. I found out that I lacked ambition, a plan...I even lacked a heart. I figured out that I was part of the problem. And I guess I was too lazy to work against the world when even I helped perpetuating the injustice in it.", he shook his head, remembering his old rationale. He didn't look at Carmen, not in fear of her reaction, but rather, out of shame. He then felt something brush over his fingers._

_-"I understand you. I truly do. But what makes you think I'm so much better? I was raised a Nest resident. You knew I'd be killed without you. I'm not exactly the best person to have as a leader, now am I?", she asked, a small smile on her face as she grabbed his hand, making him sit upright. He sat hunched, turning his head to face her._

_What made him follow her? Her eyes, for one. Her beautiful red eyes, filled with life and hope...things that were almost extinct in the City. He knew she was naïve, but she had her heart in the right place. Her heart was pure, and that was more than he could say for himself._

_He, in fact, didn't join this to save humanity at first. He joined because of what he saw in her eyes. The passion, burning like a fierce fire...it felt, to him, like something he never had. A certain longing to have that fire beside him, and to help it fulfil its purpose. A certain feeling towards her that made him want her to be happy. Almost like..._

_Oh._

_That's what it was._

_That was dangerous. This...this crush he had, it was terrible. Awful. Besides, did he really think she'd return the feeling? He was someone she just met. At the bottom of the dirty barrel. He wasn't as fun as Benjamin to be around, and many other people were nicer than him. He...he was awful! She didn't deserve him. She deserved better than he could ever give her. She deserved someone who could return her smiles. Him? He was weak. He could quit this project the moment he senses danger, and she...she just could never, ever love him. This was just a stupid, insane hope._

_...And yet, was hope not the reason they were on this journey in the first place? It was why Carmen had started this entire mess in the first place. It was not common to have hope for anything in the City, but with Carmen, perhaps he could change that. Perhaps he could truly make a change. And...Maybe he, too could change to be someone Carmen deserves. Someone who can keep her happy. Someone she's happy to be with.  
_

_-"Well?", he suddenly realized he kept her waiting with his answer, but now that his mind was made, he could answer properly._

_-"I didn't follow you, Carmen. I supported you because you had hope, something that's so rare nowadays. I supported your earnest desires, your earnest dream, because I couldn't dream myself. The only thing I could do was help those who could.", he finished, and she seemed touched. Of course, now he followed her for his love, but he could not admit that, obviously._

_-"Ayin...", she began before firmly grasping his hand, almost making him shrink at the sudden squeeze. "I promise you to try my best. I don't know if we'll make it or not, but trust me, I won't let you and Benjamin down. We'll work for something together, whatever that something is, I promise you it'll help people. I'm not going to let you down.", she squeezed his hand, and he only now looked at her face in full. The sun shining on it as the breeze moved her hair across it. It felt as if the moment carried something._

_-"Well, you already let me down when I learned you steal mugs. No dignity!", he smiled himself, allowing himself to chuckle with her. For some reason, he just wanted to smile. To believe that they were flying towards a limitless world._

_-"You...I've never seen you smile like that before.", she noted, and instead of being embarrassed he tagged along._

_-"And you won't see it again if you keep stealing my mugs like that.", he threatened, and she laughed further, but deep down, he knew she was planning to make him smile a lot more._

_-"So long as you come with me here again!"_

_-"...Fine, I suppose.", he feigned a begrudging voice; he still had enough arrogance to pretend he didn't fully enjoy this. "So we're leaving now?"_

_-"Well, I suppose you want to head back to your office now, yeah?", well, that wasn't particularly wrong. He wasn't made to be in the sun for long._

_-"Eh. Just as long as you don't faint on me on the way back.", well, whaddya know? Maybe the joking attitude fit him better than he thought. Or maybe that was his ego working again._

_-"Of course not, silly!", she got up, turning to him with a smile that was brighter than he could've ever imagined. He got up too, walking with her back to the Laboratory beside her. They started a small talk between them, but then, everything became hazy once more. Time's up, eh?_

* * *

-"...Woah.", X was back in his throne, and wouldn't ya' know it, the position in which he stayed caused him back pains. Great. "Ow, my back...how long did we stay there?", he rubbed the sore spot in his back, trying to focus on the man in the desk in front of him.

-"N-Not more than five minutes, they're memories, after all.", was the response, and the clone couldn't help but notice that his 'older' self's eyes were glossy. "So? What do you think? The time you had with her. The fun you had together. The happiness everyone felt.", he listed, letting out a long and drawn-out miserable chuckle.

-"...I feel depressed, honestly. I feel as if I want her back. As if I want to be by her side again.", the carbon-copy scratched his neck, his voice going low for a bit.

-"Now do you know why I created Angela? I needed to see that smile again. To see the warmth again. To feel it."

-"But you failed."

-"Of course I did. My biggest sin was that I handed Angela the impossible task of being Carmen and then watched as I forced my expectations on her before realizing she could never be her again.", he darkly stated, a grave tone in his voice.

-"...Don't tell me you're pardoning her idiocy! Her ignorance! She ruined Carmen's plan!", X argued back, anger starting to seep into his voice before he controlled it, not wishing to awaken his dormant peers.

-"I never said I did, X. I only said that it is perhaps I who ruined the plan. Or perhaps not; we'll see...", the amber-eyed man clarified himself, intriguing the clone.

-"What are you betting on?"

-"I do not know myself. We'll see moving forward."

-"...How much did Carmen mean to you?", ah, back to making him on the back-foot, weren't you, X? Well, you asked for it.

-"You know already, do you not? Carmen was my beacon. She guided me to something I thought was good. I followed her every step and shared her every triumph and defeat. My life had become part of Carmen's, and I hoped hers would be part of mine...But as you know, hope was not a commodity that we had after the Head's raid.", he started recounting, his eyes stinging him a bit. No, he was better than that. "I admired Carmen, I looked up to her, and I supported her. But most of all, X, I loved her. As insane as my hopes were, I thought I could make them come true at one point. I suppose that was the world I was trying to make, not the one I lived in.", he shrugged, his voice cracking.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, patting him. When he looked back at his clone, a tear was falling off of his chin.

-"I did not wish for you to re-experience your sorrows. And I didn't have to experience it, too, I suppose.", he tried comforting him, wiping his own tears with his free hand.

-"You're too curious, X. I told you that for your own good. Maybe I, too, should've simply left Carmen to her fate, given that my attempt at healing humanity has backfired so spectacularly...", he lamented, the broken smile still present on his face.

-"You're wrong."

-"...Are you trying to comfort me? Your own self?"

-"Why wouldn't I? We believed in something good, Ayin. Even if we could not achieve it, our hopes cannot have been in vain. You didn't simply trust Carmen. You gave your everything to try and make her plan succeed. I cannot tell you what is going to happen now, but we...", he swallowed, trying to calm himself down. "We cannot simply have been all idiots. The Seed of Light, if not made by us, will rise one day. Fate, after all, does not leave those in charge in their places forever.", he finished, retracting his arm back himself as he tried to make himself comfortable in his seat.

-"Well, look at you, trying to be all comforting and stuff. When did you start believing in fate, anyway?", the complete-self asked, his voice something between mocking and impressed.

-"When did _you_?"

-"I always did. I always knew life was not made to be devoid of any purpose or goal. Even here...I think there will be a role for us to play still.", he said, going back in his own seat. "But for now...maybe it'd be better to sleep. Today was...hectic.", he offered, and X gladly took him up on his offer.

-"To say the least. I suppose now I know why you're all depressed.", he acknowledged, letting another tear flow, perhaps against his will.

-"So, you're joining us, huh?"

-"Not a chance. I'm still young and gullible; I'll let myself believe that our happy ending is out there somewhere. Lying to yourself is not a trait that's new to you, after all, Ayin.", he rebuked his assumption, trying to laugh. The result was a strange noise that was something between a chuckle and a choke.

-"Heh. I knew you would.", his original self shook his head, not wanting to roll his eyes, for fear that the water he was holding would fall down.

-"You were always too passionate for your own good. I'm just picking up the torch.", X stated sleepily, trying to sleep this night's emotions off. Tomorrow, he could see the information. "And it doesn't seem like any of us are stopping this insane hope of theirs soon, eh?", he asked, trying to give a determined smile. He made the other man return it.

-"O-Of course not, si-", he choked on his own words, the tear he was holding running down his face. "Sorry, I lost myself for a moment.", he wiped it off, returning to his original voice after clearing his throat. "I must want to sleep.", he absently added, resting his head on his desk; the office was warm enough. In reality, however, they both knew why he couldn't say the sentence. Why he couldn't complete it. They merely didn't comment on it because they knew it would do no good.

He couldn't bring himself to say the world 'silly'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, I sure do love writing comedy in my stories- Whoops! My finger slipped and I wrote angst instead! Sorry guys.
> 
> I mean, what did you expect from a story in _this_ universe about _this_ man in particular? Of course it was bound to have some angst at some point. Besides, I never really had the opportunity to write angst before, especially one like in this Chapter, so I used the opportunity at its fullest, and voilà! Surprise angst at its finest, gentlemen!
> 
> I tried to make the story balanced; too much angst can feel forced, sometimes falling into the Wangst territory, and too little can make it seem as if the character is trying to be cold or make the traumatic event not as interesting for the reader. I tried balancing everything in this chapter, high-lighting how important Carmen was to Ayin and how much she changed his perception of the world. In short, this was a Carmen-centric Chapter with Ayin as the main character, if that makes any sense. Still, this is still a comedy. Ayin nosebleeding all over Carmen and Benjamin's interactions should prove that. I merely added more depth. So you can expect this comedy/angst mixture in the future.
> 
> The memories are some of my favourite transitions I've written thus far; they feel somewhat believable and yet also take you somewhere far, far away from where the 'main' story is set. They were a joy to write overall, too, as I always wanted to write the ABC trio on various hijinks, and this time I wrote Ayin trying to choke Benjamin with a pillow. The man has something for choking, eh?
> 
> Carmen was a tricky one to write, despite liking her current iteration, I didn't want to make her too childish; think an adult who knows she's an adult, but acts childish around her best friends. I hoped to convey that the best I could. I enjoy cheerful, loveable characters, so it wasn't difficult to find that writing Carmen is a treat.
> 
> X and Ayin's relationship was a bit of a strange one, as I wanted the both of them to be equals to an extent, but not exactly like Ayin. I'm starting to get the hang of both of their characters, I think. But that all depends on how well the characterization is received by you folks.
> 
> Which brings me to my last point: As always, leave your thoughts! How was the angst written? Well enough for Ayin's character? Too much? Too little? What did you think of the little character study I did for him? Your criticisms, comments, and feedback are greatly appreciated. So I eagerly await your participation, everyone!
> 
> But that's all I have for the moment, and for a while since I'm going to be busy moving forward. But until then, everyone, keep Facing the Fears, to Create the Future. So long!


End file.
